While you guys are cuddling up with your loved ones I shall go down pub with Mark and Julia.
Enjoy your chocolate sauce covered sex, because I will sure as hell enjoy my beer!

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Emelie told me to check this site out, and it is actually really good! Now I don't have to click through all the blogs to see if they're updated, or forget to read some, they're all in the same place! :D Awesome!

I love it ;)

I told you to be patient
I told you to be fine
I told you to be balanced
I told you to be kind
Now all your love is wasted?
Then who the hell was I?
Now I'm breaking at the bridges
And at the end of all your lines

Who will love you?
Who will fight?
Who will fall far behind?

Bon Iver - Skinny Love

No, today wasn't that good either. God knows what John is up to, and there's probably no point in asking either. And God knows what I'm gonna do tonight. Don't feel like staying in feeling sorry for myself, life's to short to spend it feeling like shit about things I can't do anything about anyway. Maybe I should treat myself to a take away, wine, a good movie and ice cream? That sounds pretty awesome to me tbh. Then I need to sort out my portfolio for tomorrows showing. The graphic design students are gonna have a look at our work and see if they'd like to work with us on their next project. I'm not to sure how to feel about it. I would be fun working with someone from another course, but at the same time it'll be more work for me, and I might not end up doing what I want to do anyway. Oh well, I'll see what happens tomorrow!

And thanks for the talk Emelie. Needed to get it all out :)

KOMMENTARER:

Emelie

It's cool! :) Just talk to me, about anything, if you want. Emelie Btw, I sent that mess and got a good answer ;)

After a hectic day and a crap evening, I decided to drink while at work. Get pissed to be more exact.

I was asked to take pictures of the bands playing at Brickyard for the paper, and got there for 8pm - without company ofc. John didn't want to go out, Sarah had dinner with Johannes, and Robbie and the rest of the gang wasn't out until after the bands. So there I was. Alone.
Anyone in their right minds would have done what I did; get drunk. That's the only way to make it feel cool to be the only person in the entire building standing by the stage, taking photographs of bands no one really wants to see anyway.
So there I was, drinking cheap beer that tasted like honey (God knows why), taking pictures for a news paper I don't even read, and trying not to feel like the saddest person in the world.

The only thing that lifted my mood was all the free drinks. Apparently I looked like someone hot, so people kept buying me drinks, which I'm not complaining about! People kept whispering "who is THAT?!" behind my back, and then appeared minutes later with a beer for me. At least I could pretend to have some friends while we sorted out who I really was (a student who's neither hot nor famous, and working for free for the local newspaper). When that was dealt with I was left alone again. If I'm not famous I'm not worth waisting my time on, no matter how hot I am.
To be fair though, sitting alone and sipping beer wasn't too bad either. Felt a bit like a lady in a gangster movie to be honest. Sexy, intellectual and deadly. And really fucking sad, lonely and tragic...

I'm glad to be home. Sort of. Feel pretty shit tbh. But that's another story, for another time. Right now I'm gonna go to bed and hope I'll get some sleep tonight.

Oh, and the bands playing was Worthless Diamonds,  Birds vs. Planes and Haunts.

2009-02-11 02:27

It's almost 3am, and I can't sleep. After no quality sleep what so ever last night, a stressful day (to say the least) and a Aqua Fit session, I still can't sleep.
I could blame John's housemates that insists on having a party in the kitchen at this time of night, I could blame my cough and I could blame my fucking period that keeps me from having (or enjoying to be more exact) a well-needed orgasm.

But I'm not. Because what's the point in that? It's nothing I can do anything about anyway.

Though, despite being frustrated and sick as hell of everything and everybody, I still can't help but feeling rather content. I know this lack of sleep will upset my stomach, make me moody as a pig who doesn't get to enjoy his 30 minute long orgasms, do fuck-all about my uni work (that desperately needs to be done) and make me sleep even worse the next couple of nights - but right now, at this moment in time, I couldn't be happier about lying in my own bed and browsing the net for totally useless things like Fredo Viola's Sad Song, Mark Jenkin's Street Installations, some alright photoshop skills, some rather impressive street art, the amazing sculptures by Ron Mueck, some really cleaver art pieces by Tim Noble and Sue Wester, something to keep an eye on and the sheep market.

I should try to go to sleep now though seem as it's way past bedtime now and I'm up in less than 4 hours. (Just hope I got the links to work, give me a shout if not.) Night!
(Sheep bought at the sheep market)

What a fucking day!
First of all I didn't get much fucking sleep (my own fault, but whatever), so I woke up fucking moody, fucking tired and with a deep fucking hatered for the entire world.
Then I got to uni, and had a fucking horrible baugette. It didn't lift my mood one fucking bit.
Ten to one I arrived at the fucking studio, just to discover that neither Mike or Roger were at their places - behind the desk, helping us fucking stupid and desperate students. I waited for 40 fucking minutes before Roger decided to show up. By then 30 fucking valuable minutes of my fucking studio time was waisted. And not to forget, my fucking model hadn't showed up either! No worries about that I thought, I had after all given him my number, so he should call and explain, or just say that he's late. Do I even have to say that he didn't fucking bother with that?! Decided to not care, and focused on getting the lights right for the next fucking model that was booked in for 2pm. Who didn't fucking show up either. I was getting fucking desperate and fucking angry, so grabbed the first fucking person I found and told him to be my model. At least that worked. I now had a fucking model. Not the one I wanted, but at least there was a fucking person infront of that fucking camera.
When I was done with him I went up to graphics and told Sam and Tom to model for me.
Once I was done with them I checked my photos on the camera. They all looked slightly over-exposed, so hoped that I hadn't lost any detail in the fucking highlights. Plugged the card in to the computer, and saw that they were all fucking underexposed to fucking hell. I hate that fucking camera. The LCD display managed to make my fucking underexposed pictures look like high key fucking fashion photographs. I am not impressed.
I am not looking forward to tomorrow. More models, more things that can go wrong..

It's just not my fucking day.

Me and John are having a discussion about space, the meaning of life and the universe, and I can't help feeling rather stupid. Where has my knowledge gone? Where are my thoughts about it all? I had notebook after notebook filled with them when I was younger, but can't remember a thing now.. I need to try to find them books when I go home next time. Re-fresh my memory. My intellect seems to have died slowly since I moved away from home. I need to read more.

New New Years Resolution; read and think more.

2009-02-09 00:47

My swimsuit arrived today. It is even more ugly in reality than on the picture shown on the website.
Oh well. As long as it doesn't slide of my soon-to-be-fit-arse I guess I should be happy. It was after all the only swimsuit under £35 that wasn't covered in horrible splash-pattern and was chlorine resistant. Had to pin in my bikini bottoms with saftey pins on the Aqua Fit yesterday btw. And they still almost fell off. Not happy about that!
The package didn't just contain an ugly swimsuit though. I hope John's gonna be happy later when we go for that walk in the park ;)

Apart from simsuits and underwear not much is happening in my life. Eating a lovely liver dish I just made up and should be getting ready for Sarah's birthday, but still feel sick. Tried to go out with John last night (we haven't been out in ages so it was about time!) and I just felt like I was gonna be sick all the time. Not very nice when trying to get pissed! Saw Tommy Reilly though. He was ok. A bit same-same, and I don't know.. Not really my kind of music. But still enjoyable. For you guys who doesn't know who he is, check this video out. 

i'm sorry to say this, but the swimsuit was rather ugly, so your right... but to cheer you up a bit i can tell you that i got a similar one ;)

No, I still haven't left home. Will do soon though. Like in the next few minutes. Feeling like I'm gonna be sick all the time and I DO NOT feel like going to the Aqua Fit tonight.. Especially seems as my swimming suit still hasn't arrived and I'll spend another hour trying to follow the aerobic moves and at the same time make sure I'm not jumping out of my now 1,5 size to big bikini. Blah!! I feel like cuddling up in bed, drink wine and watch a movie. Maybe the last 1.5 hour of "It" that we didn't finish last night. Slept rather good, so think I would actually manage to watch the entire movie without having to cry myself to sleep ;) OR just a different movie. Whatever. Want to see Zack and Mira makes a porno. DVD release yesterday, will see what I can find later on.

Ok. It's really about time that I get my not-so-very-hot-atm-but-soon-to-be-ass in to town now.

Things I've done today:

• Coughed (a lot)
• Was sick (because of too much coughing)
• Watched Star Wars
• Played 'Falling slowly' about a hundred times
• Bought cat litter and mushrooms
• Had a smoothie with Kevin at the new cafe in town
• Showered
• Bought a jasmine plant that hopefully will survive (my plants has a habit of dying within 2 weeks of purchase)
• Thought deep thoughts
• Missed being in a band

Not bad for a thursday.

Tomorrow is gonna be busy though. Hopefully my dress will arrive too.
Now I'm gonna watch another movie,  think some more deep thoughts, read some Kafka and hope this cough will go away so that I can go to bed.

Over and out (for now).

Once I've got over the whole "I-hate-thursdays-so-much-I-just-want-to-stay-in-bed-all-fucking-day" stage I usually get rather pissed off. I get pissed off because it's thursday and the fact that it is thursday has ruined what could have been a rather nice day, like monday or saturday. And when I get pissed off I do things. Usually I cook something really nice and complicated, clean my room, draw something with a lot of strong shadows and emotions or go for an angry walk. Today I played the guitar.
My plan is to learn 3 new songs every week and eventually (if I ever learn to sing) sign up for an open mic-night. So far I've learned 2 songs. It hasn't really been going that well, because in the back of my head I've always doubted myself ("I can't sing, I can't play, everybody is so much better than me" etc). But today I'm pissed off, and I just wanted to hit something. So I hit the strings. And it sounded pretty good! I know both songs by heart now (except parts of the lyrics, but I just improvise that) and I can play with ENERGY and FEELING. I'm pretty proud of myself! I do need to buy new strings now though. Noticed that some of them look a bit rough. And a new capo would be good to have too. One that actually pushes the strings down to the neck of the guitar.

So, that's two songs out of 3 this week! I'm pretty proud of myself! Just need to figure out which one to do next..

If you want to listen to the (original) songs I've been practicing on just click here and here :)

Now I'm gonna go and see if my bad mood can help me clean my room too. I doubt it, but it's worth a try!

2009-02-19 20:18

KOMMENTARER:

meis

haha om jag har! och skickat ett mejl till henne där hon ska lära sig att inte uttala sig utan att veta vad hon snackar om

Today I'm celebrating.
I'm celebrating that I've lost 10kg out of 15kg. Only 5kg more until I've reached my goal! Woohoo! Long live Aqua Fit!

Me at 65kg summer 2008

Me at 60kg Jan 2009

And me at 55kg today! (I do admit I chose clothes that are flattering for my figure though hehe)

I'll celebrate with my special steak, and then I'm off for a 2 hour session at the swimming pool. First one hour lane swimming, and then one hour Aqua Tone. I've never been to the Aqua Tone before, but I went down to Trinity today and they told me it was the same thing as Aqua Fit, but harder work. So I'm looking forward to that! It's Debbie who runs this class too apparently, and she is amazing when it comes to encouraging people to work hard so it shouldn't be a problem even though I've been swimming for an hour before. And when I get home I'm gonna treat myself to the 'Girls night in' kit I bought at Lush today. Has been a long time since I treated myself to something really girly, so I'm well worth it now I think!

Hmm.. Done some thinking, and I think a deserve a dress too.. The question is just which one?!

2009-02-18 16:41

KOMMENTARER:

typellen

den svartblommiga och den rödblommiga tycker jag va jättefina :D

Emelie

Svartblommiga eller den blåa :D

mypleasure

svart blommiga eller den gråa tycker jag! Super fina!

mypleasure

vart har du hittat dom föresten?

I am NOT appreciating the drunks who seems to have decided to have their gathering spot outside my window. It's hard enought to sleep without them shouting and banging things. Can I please have at least one night without you? I need to get some sleep!

Otherwise the agreement of a week starts to seem like a bad idea. It's been one day. One day of at least seven, and it's been soooooo sooooooooooooo slow. Can't really focus on anything so end up doing nothing, which makes the time seem to move even slower. But it's probably a good thing. No, I KNOW it's a good thing, but it's just such a pain in the ass going through it. I wonder how may times I'll go through my thoughts until next week. Thousands of times? More like a million of times probably. I'll probably go through them so many times, twisting and turning them, that I'll end up even more confused than I was before. I should probably start writing things down before I mix them all together so much that none of them is making any sense anymore.

But now I'm gonna go and pour a glass of wine to see if that will help me get some sleep. It would probably be better with whiskey, but I don't have any. Such a shame.

"She's kind of like a medium psychic Christian ninja." - Glen Hansard

Got some of the photos from yesterdays shoot from Kevin today. I'm so glad we're re-shooting on friday!! The burqa is really not flattering for my face! In 90% of the pictures I look like Mr Potato Head!

Oh well, here's some pictures from the test-shoot anyway :)

(I promise to show some more skin and underwear next time)

Today I did something I never thought I'd do; I posed for sexy pictures in a burqa.
Anyone who has ever worn a burqa can probably agree with me when I say that it's probably the least sexy thing one could ever wear. I'm dead excited to see the pictures though! They're for Kevin's project about religion etc. I can't really explain it, so I'll just leave that to him.

And soon I'll be off to the Aqua Fit again. Just hope I'll be able to have a shower seem as the entire town seems to be without water today. They'd put up a big truck up at Kells place near the uni where people could some and fill their bottles of water. Hope the water's back tomorrow.

Well, better set of now.

Today is another one of those days full of thoughts. Annoying thoughts. Thoughts I want to share with people, but can't.
I know what the answer will be. I know what I should do. I know what's sensible.

I just don't want to be sensible and do what I should.

Right now I just want to live in the present. I don't want to think about the past - even though it's like a shadow, and I certainly don't want to think about the future - even though I know what will happen.

 I almost finished a song today. Only the part between the chorus and the verse that needs to be done. And the singing. And maybe a nice little bridge or something somewhere. I'll do that some other day, now it's time to go food shopping!