New year and time to start blogging again. A fresh start in the spirit of Hello Saferide.

"Party favours on the floor and a
Half drunk bottle with a popcorn in it
Yesterday’s dress in a complete mess and a
Bruise on my arm, I don’t know how I got it
January 1st and it’s already clear:
It’s gonna be another shitty year

[...]

You’ve got the sad eyes of a poet
I know all of that is bullshit
I’ve seen that you got a carpenters hands"

Hello Saferide - 2006

NYE was shit. Then it got better. 2 weeks after that it was shit again and now it's all good. I think. The feeling of something being wrong is back. Again. And I know that whatever's wrong I can't change, because I will never be her. I will never be able to give him what she gave him. I've been wondering from the very beginning what he sees in me, and I still wonder. I don't believe him when he says that it's because I'm from another culture, that I'm interesting and cute - because I'm not any of that. I spent 18 years of my life in the same house, in the same small town, and had a "perfect" small town life. My life is probably the most boring life anyone could ever have had. I have done nothing. I have no life experience what so ever. And I'm not skinny, I don't have long beautiful hair, and my culture (what I still have left) only seems to be wierd in his eyes. (And not to forget; I'm apparently fake, boring, dead inside and arrogant too..)

I'm starting to wonder if this will ever go anywhere. I don't want to fall in love if I'm gonna be dumped right afterwards..
I love it when he lies in my arms, I love running my fingers through his hair, I love rubbing his back.. and I would love to love him, but this slightly sick feeling in my stomach will not go away. Is it possibly to be haplessly in love with someone you haven't had time to start loving, and having a relationship with?

It’s gonna be another shitty year...